Forgiveness
by Red On My Ledger
Summary: "Forgive many things in others; nothing in yourself." - Ausonius Loki's return to Asgard, set after the events in Avengers.
1. Chapter One

Chapter One:

Butterflies. An overwhelming amount of nerves boiled up in the pit of Loki's stomach as he look into his brother's blue eyes and grabbed the other end of the container holding the Tesseract. He knew what was to come, he knew of the punishment he would receive once he returned to Asgard. All he could think of was the unforgiving eyes of the people that would greet him, the frown of the woman he once called his mother, the disapproving face of the man he once called his father. Loki knew of the judgement he was about to face and he could not get his mind off of it. It was all he had been thinking of ever since The Avengers had finally captured him up in Stark Tower only a few hours earlier. It was the only think his weary mind could focus on.

Thor booted up the Tesseract's power and the next thing he knew he was back on Asgard, back on the remains of the Bridge his brother had broken the last time he had been there. He didn't know it was possible for him to get any more worried but he realized just how wrong he was as he saw Heimdall still standing where he always did. The guardian didn't look at him but he was more than aware of his presence, the coldness in his golden eyes gave that much away. Thor gave the man a solemn nod, who grunted in response, as Thor led the way to the castle they had both once called home. Loki kept his head down the whole walk there.

No words were exchanged between the two men, no words needed to be said. They both knew where they stood. If anyone could forgive Loki for his crimes it would be Thor and it was obvious that, in Thor's mind, nothing had changed between them. Sure he was angry and frustrated and disappointed in the man he viewed as his brother, but that didn't mean he didn't forgive him for what he had done. Loki, though, could not accept his kindness that easily. He knew that what he had done was beyond wrong in the eyes of many, he even viewed it as wrong himself, and if he could not forgive himself for his crimes than he should not accept forgiveness from others.

They walked up the first golden set of stairs in the palace, passing by the grandiose kitchen and the dining area. They walked by another set of stairs, past a few doors, up another flight of stairs and through the larger than life double doors into the King's Room of the castle. Since Thor had been on Midgard for the past few weeks, Odin had taken back up his place as King of Asgard until his son's return. So as Thor and Loki walked across the long room, they approached The Allfather sitting in the king's throne. The throne Loki had once sat in himself, the throne he had once viewed as what he deserved. Loki kept his head down as he and Thor approached the throne.

"Father - " Thor started, but was cut off my Odin's booming voice.

"Loki, do you know what you have done? Are you aware of the trouble and pain that you have caused your mother and I?" Loki, still wearing the silver muzzle that SHIELD had placed on him back on Midgard, smirked at the words _your mother and I_. The whole matter of them not being his true parents was the cause of this whole ordeal, it's what set Loki up to be what he viewed as a failure. "Are you aware of the turmoil you have made your family endure?" Loki continued to look down at the marbled floor. "_Look at me_!" Odin's voice grew even louder with frustration and anger and confusion as he stood up from the throne. He marched down the stairs towards the two boys, Thor sidestepped away, and Odin grabbed Loki by the shoulders and pulled him into a hug.

Loki's feelings of nervousness were quickly replaced with those of confusion as the hug grew tighter. His eyes filled with shock and worry and confusion and anger at himself and at Thor and at Odin and at everyone else he had ever blamed for anything, at anyone who had ever gave him that little push that slowly led him off the ledge, but no tears came. He worried of what was next to come, of what other reactions he would receive, he no longer knew what to expect.

Odin ended the embrace, but did not let go of Loki's shoulders. Loki, still distressed over the situation, looked up into his father's eyes for the first time since that night on the Rainbow Bridge. Tears came to Odin's eyes, but he blinked them away quickly. He let go of Loki and patted Thor on the shoulder, who took his brother by the arm and led him out of the room through the grand double doors.

Loki had no clue of what was to come next, and he wasn't so sure he liked the unknown.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two:

Thor led his brother down the familiar golden hallways of the palace he once called home. After a ten minutes and a few more sets of stairs, Loki found himself standing in front of his old bedroom door. He marveled at the engraved green designs on the large black door. He had never noticed how intricate the details were before.

Thor stood by his side for a moment, silent. He turned to his brother and sighed, "Loki, I do not know of what will become of you. I do not know how the public will treat you, how our old friends will respond to you or anything."_ Thor didn't usually know much anyways_, thought Loki. "All I know is that it is good to have you back, it is good to have you home, and obviously father agrees with me on that." _Father_. Thor placed his hand lovingly on Loki's shoulder, trying to reassure him, "We will get through this." Loki raised his eyebrows at his brother, trying to respond to the kind gesture he did not know how to respond to.

"Why are you not speaking?"

Loki rolled his eyes and grunted.

Thor realized that Loki still wore the silver muzzle from SHIELD. "Oh, right. My mistake, forgive me." Loki breathed out through his nose, calming himself so the first thing he could say to the blond man wasn't an attack on his intelligence. Thor reached into his pocket and pulled out a key, "Director Fury gave me this before we left." He placed the key in the locks on the handcuffs and on the left side of the muzzle, taking the chains off. Loki rubbed his jaw and looked at Thor, pausing before muttering "Thank you" a bit reluctantly. Thor gave him a big goofy grin, "It is good to have you back, brother." Loki quickly nodded and escaped into his dark room, shutting the heavy door on Thor's face.

He looked around at the room that had once been his only safe haven. He walked to the left wall and moved a large black curtain aside, allowing light to enter the dusty chamber. The room was just as he had left it. Old books, some with parchment sticking out of them, piled on the worn, brown desk. His bed was still made, the dark blankets looking plush as ever, the gold colored pillows soft and untouched. A wall of bookshelves lined the east side of the room, each shelf packed with books on about any topic one could think of. He slowly walked by the shelves, caressing the books, feeling their familiar bindings. To him these books were what made this feel like a home. He grabbed one of the books off of the shelf and laid down on his bed, holding it close, for an hour until he finally drifted off to sleep.

...

Thor walked through the grand halls of the palace, back to where he had just come from to see The Allfather. He did not know what was going on, he was just as confused as Loki. He expected his father to make some harsh decision, he expected him to carry out some cruel punishment, he did not expect such a calm encounter. He needed answers, not only for himself, but answers that he could bring back to Loki. He needed something that he could tell his brother, something to reassure him or to calm his mind or to forewarn him of the storm that could be on it's way.

He burst through the grand double doors and approached his father, who was still seated in his throne.

"Father, we need to speak."

Odins dismissed the guards and rose from his throne, "What troubles you?"

"I do not understand..." Thor knew what he wanted to say, but all of the sudden he couldn't seem to find the words. Odin looked at him for a moment, waiting, until Thor spoke back up, "I do not understand what it is you are thinking."

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you going easy on Loki? After all he's done, after all of the lying and the killing and the betrayal - "

Odin cut him off, "I am well aware of what Loki has done." He walked down the stairs, approaching the warrior. "I know of the mistakes Loki has made, I know of his wrong decisions and the chaos he has caused, I also know that we - all of us, you, me, your mother, all of us - need to tread lightly. We can not give him any reason to rebel once again. We need to return things to normal, to forgive but not to forget. That is what is best for our family, for Loki, and for Asgard." Thor looked at his father for a moment, unsure of what he could say to that. He could not necessarily argue with that, but he could not necessarily agree with it either, although he desperately wanted to. Odin must have noticed this on his son's face for then he said, "Give it time. Give _him_ time. This has been as hard on him as it is on us."

"This does not sound like you, father."

"I have realized that whatever I sounded like before is what sent Loki over the edge. If we are asking him to change, then I must ask that of myself as well." Odin turned and walked back up to his throne.

"Why are you not even slightly punishing him?" Thor called to his father. He did not want to see his brother punished, but he feared that letting him off the hook would not help anything either.

Odin paused, "I can not lose my son again."


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three:

A knock on the door woke Loki with a start. The curtain he opened earlier was now letting in moonlight instead of sunlight and he quickly realized that he had been asleep for much longer than he had planned to be. Another knock came at the door, this time followed by a pause and then a voice, "A feast is beginning in soon, down in the banquet hall." It was Thor. And he wasn't barging through the door. He was knocking. Politely.

Thor was being polite.

Another moment passed, then Loki heard the shuffling of Thor's feet as he walked down the hall. He laid there for a few minutes, willing himself to get up. A thousand thoughts rushed through his head. He was worried, again, and concerned. He felt cautious and confused. He dreaded what could happen, he shuddered at the endless possibilities.

They all knew what had happened. They had to know. And they would all give him those dangerous glances and hate-filled glares as he walked into the hall. He would make his way to his place at the main table _(would that still be his place?)_ and he would sit there. All evening. Silent. Guarded. Thor would try and keep some sort of elaborate and adventurous conversation going to fill the silence, but no one really listen. It would be tense and strange and uncomfortable.

He hadn't even arrived at the feast and he already wanted to leave.

On the other hand, it might be even worse if he didn't attend. It would cause talk, and talk would lead to rumors and the rumors some of these Asgardians could come up with could sometimes be worse than the truth.

_But this truth..._

Before he could talk himself out if, he shot up out of bed and left his room, closing and locking the door behind him.

...

He slowly opened the large doors to the banquet hall, carefully slinking in and crossing through the shadows to the large table. The room had been remodeled since he had last been there. It was bright and all gold from ceiling to floor, with white designs here and there and black patterns. All of the colors blended well with each other, making the room seem grander than it would have been in a different light._ That's what this family is all about_, Loki thought, _covering things up and acting like nothing is wrong_.

He stopped himself in his tracks. He can't think like that, those thoughts will just make things worse. He needs to bottle up those thoughts, he needs to restrain those feelings, and he needs to sit quietly and wait for the night to end. He sighed, held his high, and continued his way to the long table near the back of the room. If he acts like nothing's wrong, then nothing will be wrong. _Right?_

Thor was the first to see him, and when he did notice him he rushed over, placed his hand on Loki's shoulder, and gave him an ear-to-ear grin. "I am happy you have come, brother."_ There's that word again. Brother._ Thor didn't seem to notice Loki tense up, for his smile just got bigger. He patted his brother on the back and led him over to the table.

_So my place hasn't changed_. Loki suppressed a smile and quietly sat in the large chair. He looked across the room, examining the Asgardian guests, all laughing and drinking. No one seemed to notice him._ Good_. He looked to his right, down the table, and saw Odin and Frigga, sitting in the high-rise wood chairs near the center of the table. Odin was looking out upon the guests, he kept a serious face but some bit of worry showed through. Frigga glanced over at him and smiled, her eyes shining with joy_ (and is that sadness?)_ when she saw him._ It must be the light..._ He gave a shy smile and looked down at the deep red table cloth. It was offset by the pearly white dishes and silverware and the cream colored cloth napkins with gold embroidered details along the edge, rolled up and held together by a wooden napkin holder. An old, recently polished ale mug sat by the napkin. His old mug.

Odin stood up and the room went silent. The guests took their seats at their designated tables. It was then that Loki saw Lady Sif and The Warriors Three for the first time. They saw him (or more, Sif saw him and nudged Fandral next to her who whispered something that Volstagg heard that caused him to turn towards Hogun who looked up). The Warriors Three looked bewildered, while Sif just stared daggers.

They had obviously not been told Loki lived.

"Welcome, everyone." Odin's voice boomed throughout the room. "Tonight is more than just a feast, tonight is a celebration." His next words came out slow, as if he was still trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say. "A celebration for my son, Thor, and his recent victory in Midgard." Loki gasped, but no one seemed to accuse him of anything. They all just looked shocked that he was sitting at the table. _They don''t know I caused that chaos_. "And, even more so, a celebration for the safe return of my son, Loki." Odin looked over at Loki and gave him a smile.

A warm smile.

Something he wasn't used to.

Something he thought he could get used to.

_Don't get your hopes up_. He looked away from Odin, who, still looking at Loki, continued, "We all have missed you, Loki. It is good to have you back." Odin looked back out to the crowd, some of whom were nodding in agreement with The Allfather's words. "All in all, this ceremony is about family. It is about getting through tough times and coming out stronger than before. And now that my long-lost son has returned," He paused, looking over at Frigga and Thor and Loki, "We are finally a family again." He raised his mug to the sky, "To family."

"To family!" Everyone called out joyfully, taking drinks.

Loki raised his mug and mumbled in agreement._ Don't get your hopes up_.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

The room was filled with noise once more. People were feasting on cuisine only Asgard could provide, dancing and singing along to the carefree music being played by the bards in the west side of the room, and telling admirable stories of adventure and love and everything under the sun to the people at their tables. Thor was back to his lively self, especially when Sif and The Warriors Three crossed over to where he was sitting - right next to Loki - and struck up a conversation. Fandral and Volstagg questioned Thor about what happened on Midgard, they wanted all the details and found it odd when Thor sent worried glances Loki's way and stumbled over certain details (because it wasn't like Thor to leave out details of his accomplishments), while Hogun stood by and listened. Sif was listening, too, but she kept glancing at Loki. He caught her gaze a couple of times, but she looked away quick enough to cover it up.

This went on for hours.

Loki kept to himself for the most part of the night, really only talking when someone would address him. Nothing had changed. He received a few _Welcome Back_s but besides that no one really said anything (and things did seem back to normal in the way), that was until the feast ended and he slinked out into the empty hallways of the palace, only to be stopped by a voice calling to him.

"You survived."

He sighed and turned to face Sif, standing a few feet away from him. She did not hold the confident stance she was known for, she looked tired and confused.

"It appears so." Loki quietly whispered back to her.

She took a few steps closer, "How?"

"I-"

She cut him off, "Where have you been?"

He looked down at the gold tile beneath him, it was much darker and much less comforting due to the only light source being that of a dim lamp on the wall. She repeated her question, this time with more anger. Loki still didn't answer, he did not know what would be appropriate. Not only was he unsure of what he felt like disclosing to the public, but he had always walked on eggshells around Sif. The two never really got along all that well. So why was she upset?

"What do you know?" Loki asked, still trying to plan his next move.

"You fell off of the Bifrost..." She paused, "I guess you landed on Midgard and Thor found you and brought you back here?"

_Sure_, Loki thought, _we'll go with that_.

"You sound like you have the whole story, Lady Sif." He faked a smile, "I am afraid I have nothing to add to that." He turned and headed down the hall again.

The voice stopped him again.

"The story can not be that simple, Loki." She took more steps towards him, "Nothing is ever that simple with you. What are you hiding?" Her voice took on a darker tone.

"Why don't you go ask my brother if you want to know so bad?" Loki matched her voice, "I told you what I wanted you to know" he paused, "I would respect that, if I were you."

He kept on down the hallway, not stopping this time as she called out to him "Is that a threat?"

"Or you could just stay out of it." He called back as he rushed up the dimly lit stairs, out of her sight and her questions. Lady Sif was always a bit too nosey for his liking.

Nothing had changed.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five:

Loki woke in the early afternoon the next day. The sunshine was pouring in through the still drawn curtains and the sounds of some kind of bird chirping happily outside the window rang through the room. The feast had gone better than Loki could have imagined, but he still worried about facing the day. He was still nervous about receiving those hate-filled stares and those cold glances. He couldn't help but feel that all of this was going a little too smoothly. He was reassured by his conversation with Sif the previous night, reassured that only Thor, the Allfather, and himself knew of what took place (he wasn't even sure Frigga had all the details) but he wondered how long that reassurance would last. He reluctantly pulled himself out of bed, changed into a fresh set of clothes (simple black pants and a green shirt) and quietly left his room.

He kept quiet as he made his way through the palace's grand halls, avoiding areas where people may be gathered, and exited through the large double doors into the musty library. No one else ever went into this room, no one else in the palace was that fond of books, so no one really took care of cleaning it. Books coated in dust lined the walls, the floor, the desks. Loki walked over to the far side of the room and opened a window to bring in some fresh air, revealing a flawless view of the palace's training fields.

Loki looked out the window, peering at the beauty that Asgard had to offer. In all the centuries Loki had been alive, out of all the places he had seen and visited, he had always found Asgard to be the most amazing. From the emerald trees to the gold buildings, the sight was breathtaking. Through the blinding light, Loki's eyes fell upon five figures standing on the field and Loki gave a frustrated sigh as he quickly realized who he was looking at. The four men, three of which were laughing heartily and one of which was practicing with a weapon from one of the many weapon-holding racks that were stationed across the field. The one woman joined in on the laughing for a moment or two before pulling the largest man aside and whispering something to him.

_Please, no_. Thought Loki, as he saw Thor turn away from Sif, look up to the window Loki was currently looking out of, and waved. He forced a quick smile and waved back, preparing to shut the drapes and leave the library as quickly as possible, but Thor then gestured for him to come join them on the field. At first Loki was hesitant, wary as to what kind of reactions he would receive when it was the six of them alone instead of the six of them in a room with hundreds of other guests, as it was last night. He was sure that they would badger him relentlessly and he would need to create lies faster than he would currently enjoy to. If he faltered for even a second on an answer, Sif would become suspicious.

And he couldn't have the smartest of Thor's friends become suspicious.

Then again, the consequences of him not showing up might be greater. That might cause more questions, more doubt, and a few possible discrepancies.

With that thought in mind, Loki straightened up his posture, exhaled a heavy sigh, and headed down to the training field, trying to convince himself that he was ready for the accusations he was sure he'd face.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six:

"Ah, brother!" Thor enthusiastically greeted the approaching dark haired man, almost leading Loki to want to turn around and run back inside. "Glad you came to join us."

"Yes, very glad." Sif said, her voice tinged with a taste of disgust that Loki didn't miss.

"What have you been doing since your arrival?" Fandral questioned. "We have not heard a word from you, and it has been some time. Are you ill?"

"I am not ill, I have just needed my space."

"That is nothing new! You have always been one to outcast yourself - !" Volstagg happily started, but was then quickly cut off with an elbow to the stomach from a protective Thor. "I did not mean it in that way, I just -"

"I understand what you meant." Loki said, not sure if he was lying but just wanting to move past this increasingly uncomfortable conversation.

Hogun stood off to the side of the group, and kept quiet. He greeted Loki with a short nod of acknowledgement, which Loki returned.

"We were just about to begin sparring, if you would like to join?" Thor asked, putting a strong hand on Loki's shoulder.

Loki thought this over for a moment, weighing the pros and cons as he always did. "I do not believe that to be the best idea, given recent circumstances." He whispered back to his brother.

Sif overheard though, and said loudly, "What is that supposed to mean?"

Thor turned to face her, that warm smile still in place despite the onset of sudden nerves plaguing him. "My brother has been through a lot, recently. It is better that he get his rest and it was bad on my part for even asking," He turned back to face his brother. "It was bad on my part for asking and I apologize."

Loki was stunned by Thor's words, he had never heard his brother be so considerate in things regarding him. He nodded in response and a small-but-genuine smile came over his face.

"What sort of situations did your brother find himself in?" Sif didn't let go of the ended conversation. "Did he try to take control of things out of his power again?" Her cold words cut deep. Volstagg chuckled and received another elbow to the stomach, this time from Fandral, who looked extremely uncomfortable all of the sudden.

"Sif, do not -" Thor began, looking back at her once more.

"No, I want answers. This is absolutely ridiculous. I understand that he is your brother, and I understand how that can cloud your judgement on seeing just how much of a _monster_ he truly is. Do you understand his crimes?"

Thor kept looking at her, sadness at the memories creeping over his features.

Loki couldn't take his mind off of the use of the word _monster_.

"What I do not understand is why we are greeting such a man with such a welcome party. It is not right, and it is now what Asgard stands for."

Silence was cast over the group. No one made a move, no one made a sound, they all just stood and looked at each other. No one wanted to be the first to speak, they all returned looks of desperation to each other, daring each other to talk.

Surprisingly, Loki was the pipe up. He spoke slowly, gathering his words, but surely. "I understand that what I did was more than wrong." _Do I?_ "And I understand your confusion over the circumstances. You have not been informed of all the information, and that is not your fault. I am afraid that I can only provide with answers that I am allowed to share with people outside of myself, Thor, and my parents." _Parents._ "All you need to know, all _anyone_ needs to know, is that I have paid for my crimes in full, I have served my sentence, and no one needs to worry. About anything. I will cause you no harm, I have put my evil ways behind me, it is all in the past, and I hope that you can say the same."

The people around him, the people he once referred to as friends, nodded slowly, except Sif you just glared at him. He was proud for being able to convince the others that the coast was clear, that everything was in the past, but he was disappointed in the fact that he was still trying to convince himself of it.

After all, he was a _monster_, right?


End file.
